Today's jokes [3.2.10]
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"What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement Pam ?" said
her closest friend.
"Well," Pam confirmed, "although his diamond was of pretty good
quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired."
A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. "It happens
to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world," she boasted. "The
first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this
one, which is called Lipshitz."
"What a diamond!"
"How lucky you are!"
"Wait, wait, nothing in life is all mazel ", said the diamonded lady,
"Unfortunately, with this famous Lipshitz diamond you must take the famous
The ladies buzzed and asked, "And what's the Lipshitz curse?"
"Lipshitz," sighed the lady.
A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.
She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls
around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The
drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of
vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"
What do you do in case of fallout?
Put it back in and take shorter strokes!
Tith the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was suddenly
illuminated. "Who turned on the fucking lights?" a male passenger, who had
been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess.
The girl had had enough of this particular character. "These are the
breakfast lights, sir," she answered with forced sweetness. "The fucking
lights are much dimmer, and you snored right through them."
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