Today's jokes [3.2.10]

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   "What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement Pam ?" said
   her closest friend.
   
   "Well," Pam confirmed, "although his diamond was of pretty good
   quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired."

A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. "It happens 
to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world," she boasted. "The 
first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this 
one, which is called Lipshitz."
"What a diamond!"
"How lucky you are!"
"Wait, wait, nothing in life is all mazel ", said the diamonded lady, 
"Unfortunately, with this famous Lipshitz diamond you must take the famous 
Lipshitz curse!"
The ladies buzzed and asked, "And what's the Lipshitz curse?"
"Lipshitz," sighed the lady.

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.
She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls
around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The
drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of
vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"

What do you do in case of fallout?

Put it back in and take shorter strokes! 

Tith the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was suddenly 
illuminated. "Who turned on the fucking lights?" a male passenger, who had 
been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess.
The girl had had enough of this particular character. "These are the 
breakfast lights, sir," she answered with forced sweetness. "The fucking
lights are much dimmer, and you snored right through them." 

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