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Today's jokes [3.1.10]

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"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the 
heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and 
decided to take a ride on the roller coaster.  As 
we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed 
a little sign by the side of the track.  I tried
to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make 
it out.  I was so curious that I decided to go round 
again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see 
what the sign said.  By now, I was determined to read 
that sign so I went round a third time.  As we reached 
the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" 
asked the visitor.


"What did it say?"

"Don't stand up in the car!"


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the
driver--"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"


                       Arkansas Governor Application
First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________
Address (where you live):
Mother's name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________
Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________
Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )

Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck:
                                  Fuzzy Dice( )  Gun Rack( )  Coon Tail( )
                                  Filled ash tray( )  Used Condoms( )
                                  Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )
Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )
How far can you throw cow pies?__________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )

Wife's name:__________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( )
                                       Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( )
                                       Right hand( )
Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( )
                      Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )
Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )
How much smarter than you is your wife:
                50 IQ Points( )   75 IQ Points( )
                100 IQ Points( )  She Won't Tell Me( )
Does your wife wear:
                A Dress( )     Pants( )   Hot Pants( )
                Your Pants( )  Them Lawyer Clothes( )
                Nothing( )     Nothing but an Arkansas U Hog Head Hat( )
Color of wife's hair:  Blonde( )  Red( )  Brown( )  Black( )  Bald( )
Did you understand the previous questions:
                Yes( )   No( )   What does "previous" mean?( )
                Huh?( )  All of the Above( )

Have you ever had: Herpes( ) Jock Rot( ) The Drip( ) Roids( ) Zits( )
(Check all that    Smelly Feet( ) Toe Jam( ) Bad Breath( ) Tit Munge( )
 apply)            Ear Wax( ) Long Nasal Hairs( ) Brown Nose( )
Have you ever: Castrated a Pig( )  Been Castrated by a Pig( )
               Danced to Achey Breaky Heart( ) Had an Achey Breaky Heart( )
               Been Mistaken for Elvis( ) Had Fantasies about Toto( )
               Had Fantasies about Dorothy and Toto( )
               Had Fantasies about Gilligan( )
               Had Fantasies about Gilligan and the Skipper Too( )
               Inhaled( )
Where was your last Elvis sighting?________________ On what date?___________
Can you count past five: Yes( ) No( )  Past ten: Yes( ) No( )

Explain in ten words or less why on Earth you want to be Governor of Arkansas:

Signature (or 'X' if you can't write)________________________________


Q: How can you tell a blonde has been working on the 

A: There is white out on the screen


What did the normal baby say to the test tube baby?

Ha..ha... your dad's a jerk off!


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