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Today's jokes [2.7.10]

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What's the difference between condoms and coffins?

They both hold something stiff but one's coming and
one's going!


   This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years
   ago that I lost my dear wife and children.
   I'll never forget that game of cards...


A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a

The witness: They were fucking your honor
The judge: Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way:
The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear
                    Until tiny sounds came to my ear
                    There was this couple on the ground there
                    and his balls were dangling in the air
                    and you know his what was in her you know where
                    If that wasn't fucking your Honor I wasn't there


"Doctor, I need your help," the woman says. 
"What seems to be the problem?" 
"My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?" 
"Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?" 
"Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've 
got to help me!" 
"Er ... Why don't you take a lover?" 
"I have! I still don't get enough." 
"Take another lover." 
"I did. In fact, I have eight lovers - and I still don't get enough sex!" 
"Gosh, that's an anomaly." 
"Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me 
I'm a whore!" 


Rejection Letter Reject

Ever wonder what to do when those rejection letters start piling
up?  Well here's a suggestion:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - Cut Here - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[Date Today]

Dear Mr. Kennelly:

Thank you for your letter of April 17.  After careful
consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept
your refusal to offer me employment with your firm.  This year I
have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large
number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising
field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all

Despite Acme Inc.'s outstanding qualifications and previous
experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection
does not meet with my needs at this time.  Therefore, I will
initiate employment with your firm immediately following
graduation.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.


[Your name here]


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