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Today's jokes [2.4.10]

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A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem 
doctor" Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this 
earsplitting yell." "MY dear," the shrink said, "that's completely 
natural. I don't see what problem is?" "The problem is," she complained, 
"It wakes me up."


A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends
 $5,000 and  feels really great about the result. On his way home
 he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to
 the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you
 think I am?"  "About 35," was the reply.

 "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

 After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order
 taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29".

 "I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good.

 While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same
 question.  She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is
 going. But when I  was young there was a sure way of telling a
 mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes
 I will be able to tell your exact age."

 As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let
 her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady
 says,  "OK, it's done. You are 47."

 Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"

 The old lady replies, "I was in line behind you at McDonalds."


A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about
10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly.
The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is.
"Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and
put a gun to my head".
"Jesus Christ! What happened?"
"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"
"Yeah, then what?"
"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"


A bloke came home and found his missus in bed with three blokes.
"Hello, hello, hello!" he screamed at them.
"Aren't you talking to me?" his missus snapped.


   A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her
   wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None
   of the other women in the office even noticed.
   Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said "Boy !!! It's so
   warm in here today, I think I'll take off my ring."


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