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Today's jokes [2.3.10]

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One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her 
husband with twin sons.  They loved the children very much, 
but couldn't think of what to name their children.  Finally, after 
several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names 
right now.  If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur 
to us."

After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife 
noticed a peculiar fact.  When left alone, one of the boys would 
also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face 
inland.  It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the 
children, the same child always faced the same direction.  
"Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the 
fisherman.  His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys 
were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong.  The day 
came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is 
time that learned how to make a living from the sea."  They 
provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a 
three month voyage. 

The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet 
the ship had not returned.  Another three months passed, and 
still no ship. 

Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a 
lone man walking towards her house.  She recognized him as 
her husband.  "My goodness!  What has happened to my 
darling boys?" she cried. 

The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:

"We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards 
hooked into a great fish.  Towards fought long and hard, but the 
fish was more than his equal.  For a whole week they wrestled 
upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually 
the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled 
over the side of our ship.  He was swallowed whole, and we 
never saw either of them again."

"Oh dear, that must have been terrible!  What a huge fish that 
must of been! What a horrible fish.  What a horrible fish."

"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."

1. 




It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint 
as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his 
driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose 
his barber.

Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. 
Let's talk about you." 

She breathed a sigh of relief.

He went on, "What do you think about me?"

2. 




   An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything
   for a while the
   Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no
   paper in here either.
   


3. 




A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and
registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed
water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was
very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a
penguin. 

4. 




Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So
they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they
end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the
elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, "Mummy, what
is that long thing?" 
His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk." 
"No, at the other end."
"That, son is the tail." 
"No, mummy, the thing under the elephant." 
A short embarrassed silence after which she replies,
"That's nothing." 
The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being
satisfied with her answer, asks his father the same question.
"Daddy, what is that long thing?" 
"That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
"No at the other end." 
"Oh, that is the tail." 
"No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation. 
"That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?" 
"Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy. 
Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..." 


5. 



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