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Today's jokes [2.27.10]

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The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously
awaiting news of their mother. 
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom. 
"Kid's......there's good news and bad news." 
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to
live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago" 
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!" 


Q:What did the man say when he walked 
into a bar?


Sent by Sarah


   I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was
   talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said,
   "Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is...   well...   my wife knows
   nothing of my wants and needs...   she's hardly ever in the mood for
   sex...   I guess what it comes down to is that my wife just doesn't
   understand me at all, does yours ?"
   I thought about it a minute or two, then said. "I don't think so
   George, as a matter of fact, I don't recall her ever even mentioning
   your name at all."


Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest;
he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends
sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people,
he made a loud noise (to attract attention),
stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table;
the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.


The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of 
the town tavern.

"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven 
one day."

"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"


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