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Today's jokes [2.19.10]

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The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there
came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away
at once, eyes wide with alarm.
"Heavens," she cried, "it's my husband! Quick, jump out the window."
The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window,
then demurred. "I can't," he said, "we're on the thirteenth floor."
"For heaven's sake," cried the young lady in exasperation,
"is this a time to be superstitious?" 


   This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in
   the door he says,
   rapidly,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" At which point they usually
   ask him what it was
   he said, and he then says, "Terribly nasty weather." They then go off
   looking confused. A
   drunk a few stools down observes this and finally says, "Say, buddy, I
   see what'cher
   doin'-- you're putting people on! When somebody comes in the door you
   say, Tickle your
   ass with a feather, and when they say, What did you say to me? you
   say, terribly nasty
   weather." So the guy says to the drunk, "Yeah, it's fun putting people
   on. Come on down
   here and you do the next one that comes in." The drunk moves down to
   the end of the bar.
   In a few moments a person enters, and he says to her: "Stick a feather
   up your ass? She
   said, excuse me, what did you say? He says, can you believe this
   fucking weather?


Here's a silly one....

Why did the skeleton burp?

Because it didn't have the guts to fart.


I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.


When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he 
got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.
Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living. 
I think I'm gonna top myself."
"Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left 
me too, yet I'm happy."
"How?" asked Joe.
"Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally 
submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work 
do you do?"
"I clean out septic tanks." Joe replied.


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