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Today's jokes [2.14.10]

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The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day 
someone asked him how things had gone. "She uses too many four-letter 
words for me," was the reply. "Really?" "Yes," answered the playboy. "All
evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that." 

1. 




While attending a spelling session in school one day,
The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB?
Darla raises her hand and says "I can, I can"
The teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla..."
Darla replies..."D-U-M-B"
The teacher replies, "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"
Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB."
The teacher replies, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?"
Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla."
Darla replies, "S-T-U-P-I-D"
The teacher replies "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"
Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID."
The teacher replies, "OK, well lets continue,  can anyone spell the word DICTATE?"
No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spell
the word DICTATE?
Buckwheat replies, "Sure,    D-I-C-T-A-T-E"
The teacher replies, "very good Buckwheat," and "can you use that word
in a sentence?"
Buckwheat replies, "Sure I can."     
"I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good."

2. 




Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a 
magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. 
"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a
guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." 
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. 
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" 
"Absolutely not," he said. 
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." 
"Season's more than half over," he said.

3. 




The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game,
she will describe an object and the students will tell her
what she had described.

Teacher: "The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem." 
Timmy: " I know what it is, it's an apple." 
Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." 
"OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it."
Christopher: "I know what it is, it's an orange." 
Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." 
Johnny: "Can I try, Teacher?" 
Teacher: "Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!" 
Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for a
second, and says "My object is round, hard, and has a head on it." 
Teacher: "Alright Johnny, go to the office!" 
Johnny: "No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!" 

4. 




McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with 
tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was 
already homesick.
"No," replied McAteer. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" 
"The cork fell out," said the Irishman. 

5. 



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