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Today's poems [12.4.10]

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The Dr. Seuss Purity Test



             Have you done it on a boat?
             Have you done it with a goat?


             Have you done it in a bed?
             Have you done it with the dead?


             Have you done it in the ass?
             Have you done it, high on grass?


             Have you done it in the car?
             Have you simply gone too far?


             Have you done it on the beach?
             Have you done it with the teach?


             Have you done it on your back?
             Have you done it strapped to a rack?


             Have you done it in a box?
             Have you done it with a fox?


             Have you done it in a tree?
             Have you done it with more than three?


             Have you done it in the rain?
             Have you done it for the pain?


             Have you done it 'tween the tits?
             Have you done it wearing mitts?


             Have you done it packed in rubber?
             Have you done it undercover?


             Have you done it on a perch?
             Have you done it in a church?


             Have you done it with a virgin?
             Have you done it with a sturgeon?


             Have you done it with ropes and chains?
             Have you done it while insane?


             Have you done it on the stage?
             Have you done it underage?


             Have you done it with all your friends?
             Have you done it in both ends?


             Have you done it with your dog?
             Have you done it on a log?


             Have you done it under clamps?
             Have you done it with the lamps?


             Have you done it without style?
             Have you done it up a mile?


             Have you done it for all to see?
             Have you ever had VD?


             Have you done it on Mother's couch?
             Have you done it in your mouth?


             Have you done it while on tape?
             Have you done it out of shape?


             Have you done it on live TV?
             Have you done it whilst you pee?


             Have you done it in the gym?
             Have you done it on a whim?


             Have you done it on a dare?
             Do you really think we care?


             Answer these and count your "no"s,
             pray this number never grows.
             Fifty questions we asked thee,
             score times two is thy Purity.



1. 




Dr. Seuss's Technical Manual



 What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?

 Here's an easy game to play.
 Here's an easy thing to say:

 If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
 And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
 And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
 Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

 If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
 And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
 And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
 Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

 You can't say this?
 What a shame sir!
 We'll find you
 Another game sir.

 If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
 Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
 But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
 That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

 And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
 So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
 Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

 When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
 And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
 Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
 Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!



2. 




There was a sailor from Brighton 
               Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one." 
                    She replied, "Bless my soul, 
                    You're in the wrong hole! 
               There's plenty of room in the right one!" 

3. 




A virile young man of Touraine 
               Had vesicles no one could drain. 
                    With an unbroken flow 
                    Thrice the course he would go, 
               Then roll over and start in again. 

4. 




A whore grown too old to get laid 
               Turned parfumeuse, finding it paid 
                    To concoct Fleur de Floozie 
                    From the juice of her coosie 
               (Substantial discount to the trade). 

5. 



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