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Today's jokes [12.9.10]

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Heard about Salman Rushdie's sequels to "Satanic Verses"?

                         1) Buddha, you Fat Fucking Bastard,
                         2) Jesus was a Lousy Carpenter.



1. 




What do you get if you put your hand down an pyschic's pants? 

     Your palm red once a month. 

2. 




What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?

An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill you."
A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill myself."

3. 




What does it mean when the flag at the
Post Office is flying at half mast?

             They're hiring. 

4. 




A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her 
senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says:
"I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious 
problems." 
"What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my 
child and I'll love it regardless." 
"Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs." 
"Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless." 
"And it hasn't got any arms either." 
"What?" 
"Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact, 
your child is only a very, very big ear." 
The woman is in anguish, but she still tells the doctor to bring her her 
son.
"Sonny, dear, it's me your mother! Do you hear me!?"
"There is no need to scream," says the doctor "it's deaf."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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