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Today's jokes [12.8.10]

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Guess what? You're pregnant! 

1. 




   In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly
   confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot
   the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he
   could.
   
   The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a
   very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.
   
   Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in
   rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and
   exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
   
   The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet
   short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced
   around, somewhat confused.
   
   Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God,
   for the food I'm about to receive...."
   


2. 




What's brown and crispy on the outside, and white and creamy on the 
inside?

                      A cockroach. 

3. 




A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the 
police.  "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your 
car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The 
juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches 
masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the 
driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test 
they're giving now!"

4. 




A woman participating in a survey was asked
how she felt about condoms. 

She said, "Depends on what's in it for me." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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