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Today's jokes [12.5.10]

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It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president
had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back
of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.
"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife,
when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog." 

1. 




Two prisoners were having a chat.
The first one said. "I've go two tickets for the warden's ball, Do you 
want to buy one?"
"No thanks, mate," said the second guy. "I can't dance."
"It's not a dance, mate," said the first prisoner. "It's a raffle!"

2. 




A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
 and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
 He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

     The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
 back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart
 and brave you are and how you are my hero"  The man took the
 frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

     The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
 back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion
 for an entire week."  The man took the frog out of his pocket,
 smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

      The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
 a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want."
 Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back
 into his pocket.

      Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm
 a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do
 anything you want.  Why won't you kiss me?"

      The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have
 time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

3. 




Why is "red" the colour of the University of Georgia?

Because they can't spell "crimson" or "scarlet". 

4. 




A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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