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Today's jokes [12.25.10]

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Q: What do you get when you cross a matzo ball with LSD?

A: A trip to Israel.

1. 




Two kindergarten girls were talking outside: one said,
"You won't believe what I saw on the patio yesterday--a condom!"
The second girl asked, "What's a patio?" 

2. 




One day a man and his dog walk into a bar. The owner of the
dog says to the bartender "I bet 10 dollars my dog can talk".
The bartender, naturally, accepts.
All of the sudden the dog starts reciting the Gettysburg adress.
So the bartender layes down ten dollars and the dog grabbs it
and runs out the door. The owner runs after the dog. He finds him 
in a back ally (kissing) a french poodle. The owner says to his
dog "What are you doing? You've never done that before."
The dog responds: "I've never had ten dollars before."

3. 




A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo 
rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. 
You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"

The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone." The driver of the Yugo 
says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there, too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my 
Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I 
got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, 
says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there too? I got a bed in 
the back of my Yugo!" Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped 
away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in 
the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed
looked superb, with satin sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce. 
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day.

Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the 
inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, 
he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet. 

"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly. 

The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THAT?!?!" 

4. 




Jewish view on when life begins: There's a big controversy
on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not
considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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