Today's jokes [12.24.10]
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What's brown and sticky?
A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were
shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut
tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"
"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed
down. "We weren't making love."
"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."
Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the
same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for
himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband
says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making
love down there!"
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-
old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks
she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get
some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take
him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave
him a shot of spermatozoa. "Now look," the doctor said, "the
only way you're going to get it up is to say "beep," and then to
get it soft again, you say, "beep, beep."
"How marvelous," the old man said.
"Yes, but I must warn you," the doctor said," it's only going to
work three times before you die."
On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live
through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one
trying it out. "Beep!" he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied,
he said, "beep, beep," and he was down again. He chuckled
with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow
Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went "beep," and the
car in the opposite lane responded with "beep beep."
Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to
"speed it up." He raced into the house as fast as he could for
his last great lay. "Honey," he shouted at her, "don't ask
questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed." Caught
up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and
hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said,
"beep," and he was UP.
He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said,,
"What's all this "beep beep" shit?"
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to
marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each
other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a
very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his
towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck
gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position,
where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the
towel. She said, "That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an
Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about
ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about
thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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