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Today's jokes [12.23.10]

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   The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of
   work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was
   looking to get married.
   
   As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug
   store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough
   birth control pills to last a year, lots of vaginal foam, flavored
   douches, several diaphragms and Lord knows how many condoms. And you
   don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce ?"
   
   She smiled slyly and replied, "The Druggist, silly."


1. 




A guy's fingering his girlfriend.
She says, "Would you take off your ring? It's hurting me."
He says, "That's not my ring...It's my wristwatch." 

2. 




Once when Mary was young her school had a halloween party for them
mary decided to go as a pirate after she had donned her costume she
went into the family room to show her family they were impressed.
Mom said you look terrific mary you have your sabre,and your parrot on
your shoulder,and look you even have a neat sack to carry your booty,but
where are your buccaneers?
Says Mary, my buccaneers are under my buccanhat! 

3. 




A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe 
stuttering problem.
After a thorough examination, the doctor consults 
with the patient.
Doctor: 'It appears that the reason for your 
stuttering is that your penis is about six inches 
too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal 
cords, and thereby causing you this annoying 
problem of stuttering.
Patient: Ddddd octttor . Whhaaat cccan I 
dddo? (Doctor what can I do?)
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a 
minute and states that there is a procedure where 
we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by 
removing the six inches from the penis and freeing 
him from this horrible problem.
The patient stuttering badly states that this 
problem has caused him so much embarrassment as 
well as loss of employment that anything would be 
worth it.
The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation 
is a success and six months later the patient 
comes in for his check up.
Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I 
have not stuttered since the operation. I have a 
great job and my self esteem is fantastic. 
However, there is one problem, my wife says that 
she sort of misses the great sex we used to have 
before the extra six inches were removed. So I 
was wondering if it is possible to reattach those 
six inches.
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a 
minute and says:
I dddoonnn?t ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould 
                    bbbbee possssssibbble.

4. 




One day a lady went to the doctor's office and told the doctor
that her husband wasn't interested in her any more he just
wouldn't have sex with her anymore.
So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of
100 pills. He told her that "if you give your husband one of
these pills then he would have sex with you." 
So she bought the pills and took them home. She put one in his
dinner and he ate it. They had sex till midnight. The next day
she thought it was so good that she wanted some more. so she put
two in his dinner and they had sex till twelve noon the next day.
She thought it was so good that she put all of the pills in his
dinner and he ate it.
Three weeks later a little kid was outside screaming and a guy
walked up to him and asked him what was wrong. The little kid
said, "My mom is dead, my sister is pregnant, my asshole hurts
and my dad is in there on the floor saying, 'here kitty kitty
kitty...'" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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