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Today's jokes [12.17.10]

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Did you here about the new atomic cocktail?



one sip & you go out with a poof :0)

Sent by Peter

1. 




A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and
engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them
ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is
galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following;
"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together.
I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again
and pee twice. Denna I come once-a more."

"You fowl-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In
this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma justa tellun my
friend howa to spella Mississippi."

2. 




"Oh love, what did you ever do to deserve a wife like me?"
she said looking lovingly into her husbands eyes.
"I don't know, but I promise I'll never do it again."


3. 




A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. 
During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much 
about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After 
the game they ask her, "How is it that you know so much 
about baseball?"

She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change."

The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. 

"What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when 
they cut IT off?"

"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."

"Was it when they cut off your balls?"

"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."

"What was the most painful part?"

"The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in 
half!"

4. 




   A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost.
   On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel
   tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sargent
   leading the tour, what the camel was for.
   
   The Sargent replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the
   men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the
   camel."
   
   The Captain said, "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's
   all right with me."
   
   After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could
   not stand it anymore, so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
   
   The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's
   quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous
   sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and
   was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the
   enlisted men do it?"
   
   The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into
   town."
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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