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Today's jokes [12.12.10]

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Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with....
the other is used to carry groceries. 

1. 




Another Cow joke I attribute to my 'Ol chemestry prof was the placement of
a cow onto the roof.  I would presume a fairly storng roof, but once up
there it would be hard to hide the fact to the cow that any direction would
be down.

Another pratical joke involved the use of outhouses.  Once the target has
established himself you take up the slack on the attached rope which has
been measured to set up tremendious harmonics in the structure.  When the
rope transfers your strumming to the outhouse, it usually falls apart with
a most revieling nature..



2. 




   Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The
   first mouse slams
   down a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into
   one on purpose and as
   it's closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty
   times." And with that
   he slams another shot.
   The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take
   those Decon
   tablets, cut 'em up, and snort 'em just for the fun of it." And with
   that he slams another
   shot.
   The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away. The first
   two mice look at
   each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell
   are you going?"
   The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."
   


3. 




Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
    A1:   You need a quarter to use the phone.
    A2:   Only one person can use the phone at once.





4. 




A couple gets married, and thirty years later they're in the same hotel, 
in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and 
spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry. She says, "What's the 
matter?" He says, "Thirty years ago I couldn't wait to eat it. Now it 
looks like it can't wait to eat me."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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