Today's poems [11.22.10]
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A cautious young husband named Rafe
Used to diddle his wife with a safe.
Thus he thwarted God's wishes
And fed his pet fishes,
Which he kept in a bedside carafe.
There was an old maid in Van Nuys
Who went crazy from making mud pies.
She would fill them with farts
And pickled beef-hearts,
And bake them between her fierce thighs.
On his honeymoon sailing the ocean
A tightwad displayed much emotion
When he learned, one fine day,
He'd been fucking away
What could have been bottled as lotion.
Said a lesbian lady, "It's sad;
Of all of the girls that I've had,
None gave me the thrill
Of real rapture until
I learned how to be a tribade."
There once was a fellow named Siegel
Who attempted to bugger a beagle,
But the mettlesome bitch
Turned and said with a twitch,
"It's fun, but you know it's illegal."
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