Today's poems [11.1.10]
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There was a young lady called Valerie
Who started to count every calory
Said her boss in disgust:
"If you lose half your bust
You'll be worth only half of your salary!"
There was a Young Lady of Bute,
Who played on a silver-gilf flute;
She played several jigs
To her uncle's white pigs,
That amusing Young Lady of Bute.
There was an old man from Peru
Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.
He awoke in a fright
In the middle of the night
And found it was perfectly true.
There once was a monk from Siberia
Whose manners were rather inferior
He did to a nun
What he shouldn't have done
And now she's a Mother Superior
Twas the night before christmas and all through the house,
everybody was stoned, even a mouse.
The stockings were stuffed with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
The children were wrestling quietly in bed,
with sexy visions of masterbating in their heads.
All of sudden there came such a clatter,
I jumped off my wife's back to see what was the matter.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
from the sound of the crash i knew the fat motherfucker fell.
He snapped to his feet in a sudden flash,
he forgot to cover the crack of his ass.
He showed me the bird from his stubby little hands,
then he whipped out his box of sex toys and giant rubber bands.
All were thrown on the Tree at the same time,
He jumped with the fucking clock chimed.
He flew up the chimney just as fast as he came down,
I could tell he was some kind of professional clown.
He whipped dasher, dancer, and prancer, and vixon,
He kicked comit, cupid, donder and blitzen.
He shrieked loudly into the pale midnight,
Piss on all of you, and have a hell of a night!
Sent by Rob
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