Today's jokes [11.8.10]
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We've all heared that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters
will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to
the internet, we know this is not true.
A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as they
experimented with their desk computers. One boy sat staring
at the screen, unsure how to get the computer going.
The teacher walked over and read what was on his screen.
In her most reassuring voice, she said, "The computer wants to
know what your name is," then she walked over to the next
The boy leaned toward the screen and whispered, "My name is
What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?
- Quattro Sink-o
A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could.
'God,' he prayed, 'I really want a car.'
Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.
'God,' he prayed again, 'I really NEED a car.'
Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his
parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the
mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of
tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom
of his closet.
'Okay, God,' he said, getting down onto his knees again, 'if you ever want
to see your mother again...'
A man's wife had been in a coma for several days following a
particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in
the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the
woman's body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye
she thought she had seen the woman's eyebrows shudder. Not quite sure,
she tried again. This time, she actually did see some movement.
"Doctor, Doctor," she called, "I saw some movement!"
The Doctor came in to the room and tried as well. Once more, they both
saw movement around the woman's eyes.
"Well this is good news," said the Doctor. "I think we should call her
husband and let him know."
Anyway, they called her husband and told him that they had seen some
movement. When he arrived, they explained that by touching her pubic
hair, they were seeing some sort of reaction in her facial muscles.
The Doctor suggested that the husband may like to try something a
little more adventurous in order to provoke a stronger reaction. "I
suggest that we leave the room and that you try a little oral sex," he
The husband duly agreed and so he was left alone in the room. Several
moments later, all the emergency alarms and buzzers were activated.
The Doctor and a host of nurses ran in to the wife's room where they
saw the husband zipping up his jeans.
"Oops," he said, "I think I choked her."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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