Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [11.26.10]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


What's the white stuff you find in the bottom of girls' undies? 
Clitty litter.

1. 




Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit
in a boat and drink beer all day. 


2. 




One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be 
judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he 
could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and 
God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the 
only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 
pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and 
enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an 
eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman, 
pretending to be happy.

As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. 
Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. 
When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, 
and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and 
scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more 
then you did." They both shook their heads in understanding 
and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, 
they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.

Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking 
along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos could 
have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this 
man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel / 
centerfold. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man and 
in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked him how is he with 
this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these 
god-awful women.

Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. 
This has been absolutely the best time of my life (and I'm 
dead,) and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope 
for to look forward to. There is only one thing that I can't seem 
to understand. After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and 
murmur's to herself, "Damn income taxes!"

3. 




A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when 
they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out 
of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He'd 
then jump back into the cab in time to drive away when the signal changed. 
The first fellow observed this for several miles, until he could stand it 
no longer. The next time the truck driver jumped out with the stick, the 
first fellow jumped out and ran up to him. "I'm sorry to bother you," he 
said, over the din of the banging, "but I am very curious; could you tell
me what you are doing?" Without breaking rhythm, the truck driver replied, 
"Sure, Mac. Ya see, this here's a six-ton truck but I've got eight tons of 
canaries aboard, so I've gotta keep two ton of them flying all the time so 
I don't break an axle".

4. 




St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, "You were 
a good woman. I'm giving you a nice halo."
Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the 
Princess has a much bigger halo.
Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, I spent most 
of my adult life helping the poor and the sickly. Princess Di did no where 
near the amount of charitable work I did. Why does she have a bigger 
halo?"
St. Peter says, "That's not a halo. That's a steering wheel."

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 November '10 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
   1  2  3  4  5  6  
7  8  9  10 11 12 13 
14 15 16 17 18 19 20 
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 
28 29 30 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.