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Today's jokes [11.25.10]

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So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail 
in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He 
unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up 
this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down 
nails away, that his friend came over. "Eh, what you doing? How come 
you're throwing away all those nails?" he asked. "Because they're upside 
down," the friend replied. The other guy looks at the friend, then, after 
some thought, says, "You Idiot, save them for the ceiling!"

1. 




Four married guys go golfing.  During the 4th hole the following
conversation took place:
First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
golfing this weekend.  I had to promise my wife that I will paint every 
room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy:  "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy:  "Man, you both have it easy!  I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has
not said a word.  So they ask him, " You haven't said anything about what 
you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend.  What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy:  "I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut 
off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?'  
So she says, "Wear your sweater."

2. 




A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing
a young girl as she walked by the construction site.
She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.
Annoyed the worker yelled "Well you're an ugly bitch anyway!"
The girl turned around and replied "It must be terrible when
even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?" 

3. 




Did you hear about the welfare doll?

You wind it up and it doesn't work.


4. 




    A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the
   bartender "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the
   bartender. "Good," said the customer, "Give me a beer, and I'll have a
   lawyer for my gator."


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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