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Today's jokes [11.21.10]

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What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer? 

A fuckin know-it-all!

1. 




What's the difference between a nun and a woman taking a shower?

The nun has hope in her soul.

2. 




Death row sing along

There was an inmate on death row, and he was scheduled to be put to death 
by firing squad the next morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards 
were being very nice to him.
But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, 
he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something 
special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.
Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he 
wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it 
over with." 
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the 
guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I 
would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time 
through, with no interruptions." The guard nodded and told him to go 
ahead.
The inmate started..."One million bottles of beer on the wall......!"

3. 




I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen,
they don't come in when you call, they like
to stay out all night, come home and expect
to be fed and stroked, then want to be left
alone and sleep. In other words, every quality
that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

4. 




The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father, "I'm 
sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was 
born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out of 
its mouth."

Mr. Jones cries, "My God!  What will we do with such a deformed baby?"

The doctor says, "Use it as a rake?"



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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