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Today's jokes [11.20.10]

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What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? 

     The taste. 

1. 




Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them
in the dark until they mature into something you'd want
to have dinner with.

2. 




   Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman petitions the court for a
   divorce on the grounds that her husband "beats her." The Judge,
   wanting every detail asked how often it was he beat the woman.
   
   "Every damn time your Honor," she sighed, "Every damn time !"


3. 




   A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling
   a little frisky,
   reaches over and gives his wife's breast a little feel and
   says,"Mother, if this could give
   milk, we could get rid of the cow." His hand then travels down to her
   crotch, and he says,
   "Mother, if this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."
   His wife then reaches
   over and grabs his penis. "Father, if this could stay hard, we could
   get rid of your brother.
   


4. 




The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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