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Today's jokes [11.2.10]

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How do you know when a blonde has been working on your computer?

There's white out on the screen and lipstick on the joystick!

1. 




An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair 
of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, 
"But you just got a new pair last month!"
"Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident," 
stammered the private.
"Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his 
book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march 
accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?"
"No, no nothing of those..." said the private.
"Well then, what is it?"
"I'd rather not tell you sir..."
"Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the 
medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients 
now." 
"No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," 
blurted the private.
"Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing 
a girl?"
"You see, she crossed her legs....."

2. 




Q. What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?

A. Finding half a worm.

3. 




Q: Daddy, daddy, what's a pervert?
A: Shut up, son, and keep sucking!


4. 




A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast.
One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said,
"Don't move -- I'll be right back."
When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in 
amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?"
"I hiccupped."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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