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Today's jokes [11.18.10]

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The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like "cunt" and "cock" 
scrawled all over the blackboard. "Children," she said, addressing the 
classroom, "you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now 
we're all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our 
eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on 
the board to tiptoe up and erase them." At the signal, the teacher and the 
children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very 
slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, "All right. Everybody open their 
eyes." All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But 
below them was the message: "Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes 
again!"

1. 




What's brown and has holes in it?

     - Swiss Shit. 

2. 




Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. 

"You know, it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in 
heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." 
Susie, still crying, said "What would God want with a dead dog?"

3. 




Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?

Scared the hell out of the dog.

4. 




Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this
   party they were at
   the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got
   home and blew chunks.
   2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was
   pulled over and given
   a DUI! 3rd guy: That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I
   picked up a
   prostitute and my wife caught us in bed! 1st guy: No, no.. you guys
   don't understand!
   Chunks is my dog.
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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