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Today's jokes [11.13.10]

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   A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus. Unable to
   find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles.
   
   A drunk man next to her stares at her for three minutes, then tells
   her, "I love a woman that does aerobics."
   
   The woman replies angrily, "I don't DO aerobics!"
   
   The drunk man then looks at the woman and says, "Then how did you get
   your leg up so high?"
   


1. 




Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

2. 




Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full. 

3. 




A young couple were married and celebrated their first night
together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all
night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the
bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower.
He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When
she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing
his body for the first time to his bride.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped
and stared and she asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small
part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's
what we had so much fun with last night."

And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?" 

4. 




   Version 2:
   
   A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her
   bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter
   playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mom.
   
   "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get
   married, so this is pretty much my husband."
   
   The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
   
   The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and
   upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What
   the hell are you doing?!" he asked.
   
   His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old now and
   ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to
   a husband."
   
   The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.
   
   The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in
   one hand and the vibrator sitting next to him, watching the football
   game.
   
   "For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried.
   
   The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a
   beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!"
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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