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Today's jokes [11.12.10]

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With all the recent talk of cloning, you'd think it was a new thing.
But in fact, a very wealthy westerner had himself cloned many years ago. 
The boy grew up to have very foul mouth. The more the son swore, the\
madder the father got. 
One day, the father got so mad he pushed his son off a high cliff. 
The sheriff arrested him for making an obscene clone fall. 

1. 




Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship
that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island.

Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed
of what she was doing.

Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed
of what they were doing.

Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again--being so ashamed
of what they were doing. 

2. 




Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres has a new line of sneakers "coming 
out"?

They're called "dykeees". They have a longer than normal tongue and you 
can get them off with one finger!



3. 




The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which
   appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to
   correct the first day's mistake.
   MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone
   948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
   TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It
   should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707
   and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."
   WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received
   several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the
   classified ad yesterday. The ad stands corrected as follows: "For sale
   R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707
   after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."
   THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I
   smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected.
   I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was
   my housekeeper but she quit!


4. 




A couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn't 
have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided tojust go back 
to their new apartment after the wedding.

The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing 
practical jokes. One being a carpenter, the other a ordinary guy, 
and the third a dentist.

They all decided to pull practical jokes on their newly married 
friends. The carpenter decided he would cut the slats in the bed
so that when they climbed into bed, the bed would collapse. The 
ordinary guy decided to short sheet the bed, so that when they got 
into it their feet wouldn't reach the bottom. The dentist chuckled 
and wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do.

A week later the 3 friends all received letters in the mail. "Dear 
friends, we didn't mind the fact that when we got into bed, the
bed collapsed, or the guy that short sheeted it, but I'm gonna kill
the bastard that put the novacaine in the vaseline!" 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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