Today's jokes [11.11.10]
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One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As
they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and
turns around. He says "Hey Paco, you shit your pants?" Paco says "No, Pablo,
I did not shit my pants." He believes him and they keep riding. As they go
on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Pablo
stops his horse and turns around. He then says "Paco, Are you sure you did
not shit your pants?" Pablo says "Yes Pablo, I am sure I did not shit my
pants." He says "Ok." They keep going and now the smell is getting to be
unbearable. Pablo is swatting the flys away. Pablo stops his horse and gets
of his horse. He then says "Paco, get of your horse. Paco, pull down your
pants. Paco, I thought you said you did not shit your pants?" Paco replies
"I thought you meant today!"
A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss
sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but
come evening he's half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB
radio to check if he's all right.
"I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck 'ere. I've hit a pig!"
"Ah well, these things happen sometimes," the boss says.
"Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the
"But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull
bar, and I've tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and
squealing, and he's real big boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt
"Never mind," says the boss. "There's a .303 under the tarp in
the back. Get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass
off the road and come on home."
Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from
the young fella. The boss gets back on the CB. "What's the
"Well, I did what you said boss, but I'm still stuck."
"What's up? Did you drag the pig off the road like I said?"
"Yeah boss, but his motorcycle is still jammed under the
Q: What's stiff and excites women?
A: Elvis Presley.
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want
ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very
nervous man who ran a small business that he had started
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want
to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the
money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How
can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It
was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly
there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even
louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe,
"I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So
she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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