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Today's jokes [11.11.10]

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One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As 
they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and 
turns around. He says "Hey Paco, you shit your pants?" Paco says "No, Pablo,
I did not shit my pants." He believes him and they keep riding. As they go 
on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Pablo 
stops his horse and turns around. He then says "Paco, Are you sure you did 
not shit your pants?"  Pablo says "Yes Pablo, I am sure I did not shit my 
pants." He says "Ok." They keep going and now the smell is getting to be 
unbearable. Pablo is swatting the flys away. Pablo stops his horse and gets
 of his horse. He then says "Paco, get of your horse. Paco, pull down your 
pants. Paco, I thought you said you did not shit your pants?" Paco replies 
"I thought you meant today!"

1. 




A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss 
sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but 
come evening he's half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB 
radio to check if he's all right.

"I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck 'ere. I've hit a pig!"

"Ah well, these things happen sometimes," the boss says. 

"Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the 
dark."

"But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull 
bar, and I've tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and 
squealing, and he's real big boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt 
me!"

"Never mind," says the boss. "There's a .303 under the tarp in 
the back. Get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass 
off the road and come on home." 

"Okay, boss."

Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from 
the young fella. The boss gets back on the CB. "What's the 
problem, son?"

"Well, I did what you said boss, but I'm still stuck."

"What's up? Did you drag the pig off the road like I said?"

"Yeah boss, but his motorcycle is still jammed under the 
truck."

2. 




Q: What's stiff and excites women?
A: Elvis Presley.


3. 




Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want 
ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very 
nervous man who ran a small business that he had started 
himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. 
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for 
me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want 
to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the 
money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job 
pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How 
can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

4. 




A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It
was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly
there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even
louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny
Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe,
"I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So
she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks. 

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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