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Today's jokes [11.10.10]

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At a U.N. meeting the American ambassador turned to the Japanese 
ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese 
ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "before bleakfast." 

1. 




A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India.
One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
"Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted."Give this man 30 days
compassionate home leave."
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
"Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days
compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this
man two compassionate home leaves?"
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.
"Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."

2. 




It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married,
but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to
heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to
get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life,
and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and
agreed, but said they would have to wait.
It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for
them. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things went
on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time,
that eternity was best not spent together. They went back to
St. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, but
now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there
any way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter.
"It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry
you. I will never get a lawyer!"


3. 




You know why there's a string on a tampon? So the crabs can bungee jump.

4. 




How do you get an elephant out of the water?
Wet.

How do you get two elephants out of the water?
One by one.


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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