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Today's jokes [10.8.10]

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   Six people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3
   children.
   The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash,and
   there are only three
   parachutes.
   The doctor yells out, " Save the children"
   The lawyer yells out "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
   The priest yells out " IS THERE TIME?"
   


1. 




Two So-Cal guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in 
court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and 
I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to
go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them 
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, 
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." 
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: 
                      _
                    /   \
                   |     |        O 
                    \ _ /

and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this 
(small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd 
boy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." 

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" 

"Well, I used the same two circles.  I pointed to the
small circle and told them, "this is your asshole before prison......"

2. 




Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected?

His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.

LB: But what if there is a shortage of meat?

HF: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying,
"No one needs meat today."

3. 




   A new medical study has shown that a woman's breast-feeding isn't
   adversely affected by
   aerobics. It was found, however, to be pretty distracting to guys in
   the class.
   


4. 




                          Democrats V. Republicans
                                      
                         What it all boils down to
     
   
ISSUE           | DEMOCRATS             | REPUBLICANS
-------------------------------------------------------------------
criminals       | Give them a second    | Give them the swift
                | chance                | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
the poor        | Give them some food   | Give them the swift
                |                       | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
endangered      | give them protection  | Give them the swift
species         |                       | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
dictators       | give them a way out   | Give them the swift
                |                       | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
the uninsured   | Give them some        | Given them the swift
                | health care           | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------
the cost        | $9,000,000,000,       | $29.95
                |    000,000,000        | (cost of one sword)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
  


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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