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Today's jokes [10.7.10]

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   A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the
   ship after a big night
   ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over
   himself. Pointing to an
   apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in
   the brig for vomiting
   on me!"
   The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that
   the young seaman
   had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
   "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also shit in
   your pants."
   


1. 




The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman 
couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the 
room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at 
her. 

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a 
. . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me 
you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind 
of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, 
decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A 
certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the 
door . . ."

"Yes yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

2. 




Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl 
says, "Oh my god! , it was really great, but I was Sooo scared after his 
rubber broke.
I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened." Says her intrigued friend.
"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the 
last little piece of it out with dental floss."

3. 




   Version 1.
   
   This butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was
   awakened by strange noises coming from below, so he tiptoed downstairs
   and saw his 19-year-old daughter sitting on the chopping block and
   masturbating with a liverwurst. The butcher sighed and tiptoed back to
   bed.
   
   The next morning, when a customer walked in and asked for some
   liverwurst, the butcher said that he didn't have any left. The
   customer was really annoyed, she pointed to the corner of the shop and
   asked, "No liverwurst? Well, what's that hanging on the hook right
   over there?"
   
   The butcher frowned at her. "That", he replied, "is my son-in-law."
   


4. 




In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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