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Today's jokes [10.6.10]

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This guy goes ice fishing, takes out an auger and starts drilling.
LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There's no fish there.
Guy goes to another spot and drills.
LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There's no fish there, either.
Guy tries a third spot.
LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: Nope. Not there either.
Guy, getting a little nervous: "Are you God?
LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: No. I'm the arena manager.

1. 




The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about 
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time 
came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on 
them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing 
that he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the 
class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the 
blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what 
Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him 
just what that was.
"It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that" she said. "But 
what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she 
missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next 
door shot himself." 

2. 




Q: What has four legs and eight arms?

A: A pit-bull terrier at a children's play area. 

3. 




Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and
crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your
mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." 
The next night, its fathers turn to do the job.
"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing
joy to new mommies and daddies." 
A few days later, the stork parents are desperate, their son is gone from
the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns and the
parents ask their son where he had been all night. 
Says the baby stork, "Awww, just scaring the shit out of college kids!" 

4. 




Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia.
His mate asked him what it was like.
"Australia's a great place!" Paddy replied. "First they take you home
and fill you so full of piss you can't stand up. Then, to top it off, they
let you fuck their women whenever you want."
"Is that right?" said his mate very impressed. "I always heard Australians
were real pricks."
"Well," said Paddy, "Only the white ones!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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