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Today's jokes [10.30.10]

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Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was 
always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened 
to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to 
his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he 
went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat, the alarm in the 
morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to 
work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you 
yesterday?"

1. 




A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast
Everybody had to be off the streets or risk being shot.
However one citizen was shot at 9.45pm.
"Why did you do that?" the soldier was asked by his superior officer.
"I know where he lives," he replied, "and he wouldn't have made it."

2. 




What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

3. 




   A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms.
   When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.
   The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool
   down there."
   The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or fuck?"
   


4. 




A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.
He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive  
woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose.  He 
was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve 
to ask her for a dance. 

"Would you like to dance with me?"he asked.

She replied "Would I!", and he sneered and told her,"BIG NOSE!" 



5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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