Today's jokes [10.26.10]
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Why is a joke like pussy?
Neither's any good if you don't get it.
Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner. They notice Rocky
Mountain Oysters on the menu and wondered what that was.
They ask the waiter who replies "Oh Sister, those are nuts."
She answers "Do you mean like the kind you crack with a rock?"
"No. The kind you rock on a crack."
More cool than funny, but...
racecar <===> racecar
drawer <===> reward
repaid <===> diaper
straw <===> warts
evian <===> naive [there's a message here, I think!]
smug <===> gums
star <===> rats
step <===> pets
step on <===> no pets
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and
while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up
on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and
swallows it whole.
The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your
monkey just did?"
"No. What did that stupid shit do this time?" says the patron.
"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says
"Yeah, well I hope it kills the fucker because he's been driving me
nuts" says the patron.
The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and
the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is
drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs
one, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The
bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his ass,
then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender.
"Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate
that damn cue ball he measures everything first!!!"
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that
an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no
other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah.
The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went
"ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK
OFF!", the dog ate him!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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