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Today's jokes [10.21.10]

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A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave.
Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here", said the 
one in the grave, "I'm cold". The other one looked over the edge and said, 
"No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you".

1. 




In America the late night news used to broadcast this message:
"It's 11 o'clock do you know where your children are?
In England they say
"Its 11 o'clock do you know where your wife is?
In France they say "It's 11o'clock do you know where your husband is?"
In Poland they say Its 11 o'clock do you know what time it is?"


2. 




Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag
at you, what have you done wrong? 

A: Made her chain too long. 


3. 




An academic problem

In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, 
and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk 
toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. 

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the 
girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite 
amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close 
enough for all practical purposes."

4. 




   There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at
   their local bar, they
   got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their
   igloos were. They could
   agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided
   to determine who,
   indeed, had the coldest igloo.
   They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and
   poured a cup of
   water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the
   floor solid. "Not bad"
   said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder
   still.
   So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!"
   and took a big breath
   and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to
   the floor. "Wow,
   that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo
   exclaimed his was
   colder still.
   So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!"
   and went into the
   bedroom, looked under three hugh back thick furs, and retrieved one of
   several small balls
   of ice there. He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a
   spoon, and held a match
   under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".
   He won..............................................................
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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