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Today's jokes [10.2.10]

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How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex? 

     Mace... 

1. 




   An English taxidermist is sweating his way through the Australian
   outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer
   swilling locals and in his well educated voice asks the bartender,
   "May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man."
   
   One of the locals says to his mates, "Geez, cobbers, what kind of a
   fucking man's drink is that?"
   
   Then, turning to the Englishman, "Hey! You! Yes you, you fucking Pom!
   Gin and fucking tonic -- are you some fucking kind of a poofter or
   something?"
   
   "Ac...actually," the englishman, terrified, replies, "I'm a
   taxidermist."
   
   "Oh yeah? And what's a taxidermist then?"
   
   "I mount d..d..dead animals."
   
   "It's alright, cobbers," says the local, turning to his mates, "He's
   one of us!"
   


2. 




What does the band now play when Clinton enters the room?

Kneel to the Chief!

3. 




What do you do when a Rottweiler gets amorous on your leg?

Fake an orgasm.

4. 




What are the three words you don't want to hear while making love?

"Honey, I'm home!" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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