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Today's jokes [10.19.10]

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A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. 
The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could 
get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles - or one from Minsk for 
only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, --- they got the cow from 
Minsk.

It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots 
of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people 
decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it, 
and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply 
again.

So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. 
When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the 
cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the 
cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all 
day.

Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi 
what to do. After all he was very wise.

They told him the story. "Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our 
cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left 
and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the 
right. What do we do?"

The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow 
from Minsk?"

"Rabbi!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said 
we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?"

The Rabbi said, sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."

1. 




Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for 
$500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are 
you going to do with the money?" 

"Take jewlery to city and sell it," was the response. 

"What have you got for collateral?" 

"Don't know collateral." 

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of 
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?" 

"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." 

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" 

"Yes, I have a horse." 

"How old is it?" 

"Don't know, has no teeth." 

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several 
weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a 
roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker 
the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" 

"Put in teepee." 

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. 

"Don't know deposit." 

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. 
When you want to use it you can withdraw it." 

The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for 
collateral?"

2. 




   Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the veranda
   of the old folks
   home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa
   Rabinowitz rocks forward in
   his chair and says to Grandma, "Fuck you!"
   Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa,
   "Fuck you too!"
   Grandpa becomes very much excited and shouts, "Fuck you!" swinging
   more forward
   again.
   Grandma remains graceful but leans forward and says, "Fuck you again."
   This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally Grandpa says, "You know
   something,
   Grandma, this oral sex thing ain't all it's cracked up to be."
   


3. 




Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good
looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a
pile of cow shit and dives down toward her.

"Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm,
"...but is this stool taken?"

4. 




Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
A: It did $100 million worth of improvements.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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