Today's jokes [10.17.10]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love
Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and
after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department
store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair
of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got mixed up.
(The sweetheart got the panties.) Without checking the contents, Jim
sealed his package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note.
This is a little gift to show you I have not forgotten you this Christmas.
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing
any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your younger
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears
the short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but
the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had worn for three
weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and
she really looked smart. I wish I could put them on you the first time.
No doubt, other men's hands will come in contact with them before I have
the chance to see you again. When you take them off blow in them before
putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope
you like them and will wear them for me next Friday night.
All My Love,
P.S. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year.
Also, the sales girl showed me how they look when worn in the
latest style - folded down with the fur showing.
A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the
problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again."
"Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made my
homework paper into a paper airplane."
"Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the
teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it
"Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see,
the plane was hijacked."
A man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During
his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he
gladly picks him up he says,"Normally father, i dont pick up hitch
hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception.
In fact i hate hitch hikers. The priest nods his head and they drive on
Along the way, The driver spots another man hitch hiking. "that dirty son
of %$#%#% ill fix him". He then swirves the car and tries to make the hit
and run like an accident. Dang! i missed. The priests yells,"Don't worry
i got him with the gas can!"
Sent by Rob
Q: What is grosser than gross?
A: Having a dream about chocolate pudding and then waking up with a
spoon in your butt.
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair
and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber
began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest,
firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen
knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend
some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.
The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay
you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30