Today's jokes [10.14.10]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her
company at home.
She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it
wouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun
to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately
spotted a large beautiful parrot.
She went to the owner of the store and asked how much.
The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking
and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first
that this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it says
pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the
bird. She said she would buy it anyway.
The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home.
She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it
to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her,
and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought
that's not so bad.
A couple hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters returned
from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and
said, "New house, new madam, new whores."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but than
began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the
woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and
said, "New house, new madam, new whores, Hi George!"
A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre
spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across
another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor
and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to
warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city
slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he
responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can
handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and
asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear at the party" The
man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"
Sent by Chris
The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual
event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and
read his essay.
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
Why can't you circumcise Iranians?
- There's no end to those pricks.
Two fags were walking down the street and passed a handsome guy. One
fag turned to the other and said, "See that stud there, Bruce?"
"Well, let me tell you, he's a tremendous fuck!"
"No shit?" Bruce asked.
"Well, hardly any."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30