Today's jokes [10.11.10]
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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse
falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go
and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to
the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's
Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He
then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and
drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to
the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I
think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of
the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And
the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up
What's a definition of a gynecologist?
Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most
people find pleasure
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
Can you pass the Baby Boomer Quiz?
1. Name the Beatles, first and last names.
2. Finish this line: "Lions, and tigers, and bears ..." (2 words)
3. "Hey kids, what time is it?" (4 words)
4. What do M&Ms do?
5. What helps build strong bodies 12 ways?
6. Before he was Mohammed Ali, before he was The Greatest, we knew
him as ... (2 words)
7. "You'll wonder where the yellow went, ..." (7 words)
8. Before he was the Skipper's little buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's
best friend, ... (First and last names, and middle initial)
9. "M-I-C See ya real soon. K-E-Y ..." (5 words)
10. A 'streaker' is someone who might run across campus wearing what?
11. "Brylcream: ..." (6 words)
12. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone .... (2 words)
13. "I wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder who ..." (6 words)
14. "War, uh-huh, huh, yeah, what is it good for? ..." (2 words)
15. Where have all the flowers gone?
16. Superman, "disguised as Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper, fights a never ending battle for
truth, justice, and ..." (3 words)
17. Who came from the University of Alabama to become one of the
greatest QB's in NFL history and appeared in a TV commercial
wearing women's pantyhose? Extra credit if you know his nickname!
18. "I'm Popeye the sailor man! I'm Popeye the sailor man! I'm strong
to the finish ..." (5 words)
19. Who played Peter Pan before all these other imitators?
20. In "The Graduate," Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) was advised
about his future and told to consider one thing. What?
21. In 1962, a dejected politician, having lost a race for governor,
announced his retirement and chastised the press saying, "Just
think, you don't have ... to kick around any more." (2 words)
And he lied!
22. "Every morning at the mine you could see him arrive. He stood
six feet six, weighed 245 pounds, kinda broad at the shoulder
and narrow at the hip, and everybody knew you didn't give no
lip to ..." (2 words)
23. Where did Fats Domino find his thrill? (3 words)
24. "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, ..." (3 words)
25. "Good night, Chet. ..." (3 words)
26. "Liar, liar, ..." (3 words) And it's not a Jim Carrey movie!
27. "When it's least expected, you're elected. You're the star
today! Smile! ..." (4 words)
1. John Lennon, Paul McCartney (Sir), George Harrison, Ringo Starr
2. Oh, my!
3. It's Howdy Doody Time!
4. melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
5. Wonder bread
6. Casius Clay
7. "when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent"
8. Maynard G. Crebbs
9. "... why, because we like you."
10. nothing but a smile!
11. "a little dab will do ya."
12. over 30!
13. "...who wrote the book of love"
14. "absolutely nothing!"
15. "long time passing"
16. "the American way"
17. "Joe Nameth", aka "Broadway Joe", aka "Joe Willie".
18. "...'cause I eats me spinach."
19. Mary Martin.
21. Dick Nixon.
22. "Big John"
23. on blueberry hill.
24. "...wherever you are."
25. "Good night, David."
26. "...pants on fire."
27. "You're on Candid Camera."
"Dad," said the boy, "we had a spelling contest in school today,
and I missed on the very first word."
"That's too bad Son." consoled the Father,
"What was the word ?"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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