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Today's jokes [10.10.10]

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   Magician and Parrot
   A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
   would be
   different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same
   tricks over and over
   again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows
   each week and
   began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he
   understood he started
   shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat"
   "Look, he is hiding the
   flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades
   ?" The magician
   was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's
   parrot.
   One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself
   on a piece of wood
   in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at
   each other with hate,
   but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and
   another.
   After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
   


1. 




A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group
of new troops on making a proper jump.  He told them:
"When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up,
you hook up. When you go out the door, yell 'Geronimo!' and 
wait for your shoot to open. Got It?  Good, get in the plane."
After a short flight he yelled "Stand UP! Hook UP!" and began
shoving the troops out the door.  Just after the last trooper
exited, the sergeant shut the door. Suddenly, he heard someone
knocking on the door. He opened it to see a private flapping 
his arms trying to imitate a seagull. The private looked him
in the eye and asked What did you say that SOB's name was?

2. 




Q: What did Jesus do when he got to the Holiday Inn?
A: He threw some nails down on the counter and asked,
   "Can you put me up for the night?"


3. 




One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did 
not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked 
him why is he putting one on. She said "you don't have to worry about 
getting me pregnant because you are too old and you don't have to worry 
about catching anything because you are going to die pretty soon anyway". 
The old man continued to put on his condom he then looked up at the girl 
and said, "young girl the reason I am putting on this condom isn't because 
I am afraid of getting you pregnant or catching anything. I just like the 
scent of burning rubber."

4. 




A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once
Upon A Time?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin 
with 'If Elected I promise...'"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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