Today's stories [1.29.10]

Vote for the story that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to story categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your story reading.

LONGEST TURD

The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a
'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially
measured at 12 ft 2 in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his
state.

At a book fair which I attended last week, I noticed that there were
many of my favorite books missing. I went up to the lady selling
classics and said, "What have you done with the medieval novels? Where's
Ivanhoe?"

Without missing a beat, she answered, "It's been banned from the fair!
There's too much Saxon violence!"

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced
with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use
lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but
after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the
mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She
called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
custodian.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major
problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To
demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the
custodian to clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and
then cleaned the mirror.

Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

By voting you are helping select today's best story. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best stories to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Jokes Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   January '10 Stories Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31