Today's jokes [1.31.10]

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The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at 
low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions 
to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the 
anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer." 
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.  

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd
   scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.
   To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu.
   Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,
   "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
   "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."

Two GI's in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench 

for three days when one needs a shit.

"I can't go in here" he says" It's really going to stink"

"There's another trench over there" says the other.

"I'll cover you with the M60.... just give me a shout and

and i'll cover you so you can get back"

"OK"  so the GI runs across while the other fires off the

machine gun.

He's waiting 10 minutes......15.......20....

he shouts out "Are you Ok?".....nothing.



Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting.

"Cover me i`m coming back"

When he jumps back in, his mate says "Where the fuck have 

you been? you've been gone for over an hour"

"Yeah, I know. There's a girl in there, I played with her 

tits,fondled her arse,turned her round and fucked her from

behind!"

"It was great!"

"You lucky Bastard" said the other "did you get a blow job?"  

"nah" said the other,disappointedly" she didn't have a head"

Send by Rob Rowell

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns,
drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit
when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of
his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again;
even more slowly.  Another flash.  He did it again for a third
time, at an even slower speed.  Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty
officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail,
he discovered three traffic tickets:

Each for not wearing a seat belt!

Why do blondes drive BMWs?

     Because they can spell it. 

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