Today's jokes [1.2.10]

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THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL ALL MEN ARE WAITING FOR

Cover charge: $15.00 
Round of drinks: $23.00 
Table dance: $30.00 
Another round of drinks: $23.00 
Couch dance and tips: $50.00 
A round of shots: $34.00 
A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125.00 
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00 
Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: 
Priceless
For everthing else.... There's MasterCard

   "Winnie The ????"

   It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class.
   The
   teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one
   thing
   they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to
   the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she got.
   "My daddy got me a Bow-Wow," she said.
   The teacher tells the class that they are old enough to know the
   correct
   words for things without using nicknames. The teacher tells the girl
   to
   try again. The girl thinks real hard ........
   "My dad got me a dog," she said.
   She sat down and a boy got up and said, "I got a choo-choo!"
   The teacher scolded him and told him to try again. The boy thought
   hard
   and said, "I got an electric train!!"
   That boy sits down and a really shy kid gets up and sadly says,
   "I got a book" The teacher feels bad for the kid and she asks,
   "What was the title of the book??"
   The boy thinks very hard. The class waits as the boy is thinking.
   Finally, the boys face brightened and he said,
   "Winnie The Shit!!"

How many Poles does it take to screw in a light bulb? 

    I don't know. I havn't find one that could do it yet. 

A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a
cell with a huge evil looking guy.
The big guy says, "I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or 
the wife?"
The accountant replies, "Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess 
I'd rather be the husband."
The big guy says, "Okay. Now get over here and suck your wife's dick."

A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked
   little Johnny, he said, "My father's dead, Miss."
   
   "Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?"
   
   "He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and
   collapsed."
   

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