Today's jokes [1.19.10]

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THREE GAY GUYS WERE ALL IN A CAR CRASH AND DIED. ALL THREE GUYS WERE CREMATED.

THERE BOYFRIENDS WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO WITH THE ASHES.

THE FIRST BOYFRIEND SAID I AM GOING TO SKY DIVE AND SPREAD HIS ASHES IN THE SKY BECAUSE 

THATS WHAT HE LIKED. 

THE SECOND GUY SAID I AM GOING TO SPREAD MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES

IN THE SEA BECAUSE IT'S WHAT HE LIKED.

THE THIRD GUY SAID I'M GOING TO PUT MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES IN A BOWL OF CHILI SO HE CAN 

RIP THROUGH MY ASS ONE LAST TIME!!

Sent by ANTHONY

A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor.
He says "Doctor, I want to put her on the pill."
The Doctor says "Why?!? Is she sexually active?"
The guy says "Nah, she just lies there like her mother."

Sent by soh

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He 
stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely 
drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so 
he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way 
up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear 
end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty 
pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken 
glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he 
didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, 
he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure 
enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired 
the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to
bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, 
and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good 
story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you 
go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered 
last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this 
morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. 
When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other 
and said: "Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?"
The other answered: "Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play 
with!" 

There was the surgeon who was arrested for drunken
driving. They let him go, though. He was already an hour
late for an operation. 

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