Today's stories [9.4.09]

Vote for the story that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to story categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your story reading.

"I am a Paramedic, recently I was called to 
a scene where a man in his late 60s had died and obviously 
been there a couple of days. We searched for any sign of 
trauma.... None. We looked for anything that might indicate a 
medical problem... heart meds etc..... None. The only medicine 
we found: Viagra. About that time the coroner arrived (a 
strikingly pretty gal) who asked me, "How long has he been 
dead?" I replied a couple of days, she said, "Oh so he is stiff 
then?" I handed her the Viagra bottle and said, "In more ways 
than one..."

Attila the Hun:

One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila's army had conquered
all of Asia by 450 AD--from Mongolia to the edge of the Russian Empire--by
destroying villages and pillaging the countryside.

How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night

In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico. Despite his 
reputation for ferocity on the battlefield, he tended to eat and drink 
lightly during large banquets. On his wedding night, however, he really 
cut loose, gorging himself on food and drink. Sometime during the night he 
suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to notice. He drowned in his own 
blood and was found dead the next morning.

    Burn Baby Burn - A Cigar Story

   ONLY IN THE U.S. LEGAL SYSTEM
   A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very
   expensive cigars, insured them against ... get this ...fire.
   Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars,
   and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man
   filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man
   stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."
   The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that
   the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man
   sued...and won!
   In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a
   policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were
   insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against
   fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire,"
   it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
   Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
   company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the
   rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check,
   however, the insurance company had him arrested ... on 24 counts of
   arson!
   With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
   being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of
   intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive
   one year terms!


  

By voting you are helping select today's best story. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best stories to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Jokes Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   September '09 Stories Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30