Today's quotes [9.6.09]

Vote for the quote that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to quote categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your quote reading.

"| <- You must be smarter than this stick to ride the Internet"
                        -- Mike Handler, paraphrased from Bev White

I can't believe it happened.  The other day I jogged backward and put on 
eight pounds!

Eat less fresh food. Eat more things containing preservatives.
Preservatives are called preservatives because they help you live longer.

* My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done.

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the
   law.
   -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that
   he failed to pay his taxes.

By voting you are helping select today's best quote. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best quotes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Jokes Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Funny Pic   September '09 Quotes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30