Today's quotes [9.1.09] Vote for the quote that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to quote categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your quote reading.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
Glyme's formula for success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
"A watched rock boils no moss." -- brien@asan.com's signature, alt.discordia
If you can't beat them...arrange to have them beaten. -George Carlin
"... doing what men do normally... bonding... endlessly congratulating each other... and wandering around in small groups looking for something to break..." -- Robin Williams, World Series Debating, "That there is life beyond Earth"
By voting you are helping select today's best quote. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best quotes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's JokesToday's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30