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Today's jokes [9.7.09]

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On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went
straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother
and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her 
grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on 
Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old
having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would
start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. 
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She 
paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice 
cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"


When white man found this land, Indians were running it.
There were:

- No Taxes
- No Debt
- Plenty buffalo
- Plenty beaver
- Medicine man free
- Women did all the work
- Men hunted and fished all the time 

The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!


Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised
new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI 

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was 
having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly
100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this,
the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales 

Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and 
then said, "If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the
government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don't
have a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government only
has to pay a maximum of $6000." 

"Now," he concluded, "which group do YOU think they are going to send
into battle first?"


An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding
her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not
intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing
up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down,
then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"


As a man ages, it is natural that his hair starts thinning.

It is a well-known fact that when a man is bald at the front
of his head, itís because heís a great thinker.

Also, when a man is bald at the back of his head, itís
because heís sexy.

Unfortunately, when a man is bald both front and back, he
only thinks heís sexy...

Sent by Buddy


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